18 signs you're an ageing millennial

They say time is relative. The older you are, the more life you have experienced. Your birthdays and Christmases come around incrementally faster each year as we ride this eye-widening, face-flapping exponential curve we call growing up.

However, being an ageing millennial is as much about slowing down - taking time to stop and smell the roses or learning how to make a really good cup of tea. If you're unsure of whether you are an ageing millennial, check out these 18 unmistakable signs.

1. Lockdown eradicated the dreaded fear of missing out. Everyone’s lives are now as boring as yours

2. The idea of anyone who didn’t live through the millennium operating a motor vehicle is deeply disturbing

3. You have started making involuntary sounds as you stand up or sit down. Slippers are looking increasingly comfortable

4. The friends who still have time for you are the single ones who are damaged, divorced or both

5. You still think the 80s were 20 years ago

6. The autotuned noughties was the last era of popular music that still made sense. Mumble rap? Learn to annunciate!

7. The itchy designer label of high fashion no longer has the same appeal. Travel wear means you can fall asleep anywhere

8. You’ve started using words like ‘lit’ to describe pasta sauce rather than nights out

9. A cruise sounds like quite a nice idea

10. You are now willing to accept that your parents were right about a lot of things

11. You are not an actor but weight gain is a special skill of yours

12. Boring TV shows that take you behind the scenes at well-known stores and eateries are actually extremely watchable

13. The main reason for being in a committed relationship is to split living costs

14. You would rather spend money in a restaurant than a nightclub

15. Bakeoff is comfort TV. They’re all so nice to each other

16. The electronic music of your teens now invokes feelings of nostalgia. Meanwhile, music with instruments and songs with words have renewed appeal

17. You’ve discovered the joys of joint pain regardless of how little you exercise

18. Social media now seems as bizarre as it did to your parents when you were younger

Perhaps the true marker of an ageing millennial is feeling that others just a few years younger than you are living life in the fast lane while you are on the hard shoulder. Indeed, I sometimes fear I am truly past it. Does anyone else quite like classical music?

Soon to turn 30, I’m counting down the minutes until I can relax into not understanding the modern world. TikTok...